When I got pregnant in October last year, I wasn’t over the moon because it happened before I could tick off a few more things from my list like learning to swim, buy a cycle, etc but pretty soon this faded away and the only thought I had day and night was that this should work.
Having gone through a miscarriage before, it was quite scary to be at the same place again after 6 months. Even after I heard the heartbeat this time at around 6 weeks, I wasn’t convinced enough to not worry about it anymore. In fact, I realised the worry will never completely fade away until you deliver a healthy baby at the end of 9 months. When you accept certain things, it is easier to deal with and so I peace-ed out with my worries.
My first three months were quite smooth except for nausea and some unexpected behaviour from certain people – both good and bad. True colours. By half of my 4th month, I was completely normal and back to work regularly, I hardly felt pregnant. Another month passed and my bump became prominent enough to make me feel pregnant. The countdown to each scan was awaited with much anticipation both by me and the husband.
By the 5th month, I hardly remembered the person I was pre-October. Yes, I still wanted to travel, have my food blog, be fit and have my dream house but the basics changed. The clothes I wore changed and not just because I was a few sizes larger. The food I liked and ate changed. My sleep changed, my wake up time changed, my whole routine changed. All for the good. I was feeling great and perpetually happy. It is a state of mind I have never been in.
Happiness though is never constant and it brings with itself some set of worries. I had three of them looming over my head, though generally I was always perked up. During January end, I went for a 1000 km road trip in my car with the husband to Kerala and visited many relatives and temples. It was a much-awaited trip, as I was in the city for 5 long months with the only trip I make being to the office, which was not at all a fancy one.
That trip was a breath of fresh air, but the worries kept looming in the background. However, hardly within a week after the trip, the clouds cleared and it was spring again. I realised the power of faith and belief once again. Once again, I was proven right that everything happens for a reason and though when it’s happening you only get the half picture it’s aways good to show some patience and wait for the end.
The biggest lesson for me however was, patience and letting go. I saw people reacting in all different ways during my pregnancy. Someone whom I expected to shower all the love turned a cold shoulder and someone whom I expected to not bother, helped me get through some of the toughest times. Through it all though, one person remained constant and that was my husband.
Just when I had the thoughts that our love is no more romantic, no more exciting and trying to make peace with it, this change happened to me and we found out some new great things about each other. We fell in love again. Through all the storm, he stood by me like a rock, even pushing aside his close ones. He was my strongest supporter and from his trust in me, I realised how good a person I am.
I always had doubts about myself, about the way I talk, care and deal with people. During my pregnancy, however, I have realised I was right for most of the part for many years.I have done really good for myself and my husband. I am sure I will do good now, for my family too. This pregnancy time has given me the confidence that I can go through tougher times in my life with ease and that in the end nothing else matters than your own conscience for peace in life.
I did some prenatal yoga throughout my pregnancy and those 30-45 mins in the morning took out any negativity that I had in my mind and I literally got a fresh start every single day. I am finally proud to be in the 5am-club, something I have been trying to achieve for the past 5-6 years. I have a new zeal in life and confidence in myself. I feel I can finally make my own decisions and be right about it. I realised I cannot convince everyone about everything, sometimes I have to just let it be and do my thing.