I am going to turn 27 in a few months and it looks more than just plus one from 26. You can say it is almost 30. As I inch towards finishing the third decade of life, I can feel….ok my last post was already about growing up. I am writing about it again as it sinks deeper into me.
I feel like I have stepped into a new phase of my life in the last couple of months. I have a kind of energy that can actually change things. I still falter, indulge and lie to myself, I still do and say rubbish but I know what I am doing. I have come to know it is rubbish. That is a step forward. I sort of know where I am headed now. I can sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel even though the landscape thereafter is still a bit blurred, which is fine for now. All through your twenties, you struggle to find your own ground, you grapple at things and you fall to breakdown multiple times. It is as if you are blindfolded and inside a maze. You are on your own, left to struggle on your own and eventually grow out of it. It is a wonderful feeling when that happens. You want to explore more, you want to jump ahead and as I said, you have this insane bout of energy flowing inside you.
I have started realising that I have very less time and though I should not second think about it but I should definitely get moving. I should start achieving goals by now. So I feel every minute count. I hate engaging in talks or activities, which are not fruitful in any way, I have started choosing where to go, what to do depending on how much value it adds to my life. Today my choices are purely based on answering what good will it do to do something. So when people look at me strangely and when I don’t laugh at some petty jokes or go for a drink with them, I give them a look saying, I am living my life dude and that’s serious business. Don’t get me wrong here, it is one of hell of an adrenaline rushing, endorphin kicking ride which I am thoroughly enjoying too.
Being a married woman from a conservative family, my choices are still restricted but I consider myself lucky to be better off that some others. I thank the force for it. It also means I have to follow a certain cycle in life, which brings about these restrictions but when I look at myself and the quality of thoughts that I have, I know I will work around them. I feel pretty confident that I can be a wife, a daughter, a mother and an independent woman with her own values, principles and things to do in life. And that, people, is the light at the end of the tunnel and I am moving towards it, slowly but steadily. Finding myself is a lifelong process but today, I feel, I have a definition of myself.
PS: Clearly, my priorities have shifted and so have some of my 30 before 30 project goals. Have a look!